KLEMP INSIGHTS
NEWSLETTER

One of the most profound marriage insights comes down to some simple math.

There’s the two of you: you and your partner.

And then there are your “thirds.”

Now, this idea alone isn’t groundbreaking. It’s not going to radically change your life.

But here’s something that might. Marriage therapist and author Stan Takin argues that these “thirds” pose one of the greatest threats to the health of a marriage.

A third could be your friend or...

In this age of constant distraction and stimulation, we've forgotten how to relax.

Why?

Let us count the ways.

Parenting -- this task fills our days with endless emotional, mental, and old-school physical labor. 

Work -- there's no such thing as a 9am to 5pm anymore. Nowadays, work involves the always-on, Whac-a-Mole-style, task of answering texts, calls, and emails at all hours.

Phones -- they now gobble up all the time that's leftover. The wait at the store. The delay at...

There is an invisible urge out there, destroying relationships everywhere.

It often shows up while talking about money, politics, social planning, or parenting.

It surfaces anytime you feel defensive, like your partner has just accused you of even the slightest marital misdeed.

They might question your latest purchase. Did you really need that supplemental butt cushion for the car?

They might question your politics. Are you really voting for that guy again?

Or they might...

Summer family vacations are a time of connection, joy, and fun.

They're also often the emotional equivalent of running an ultra-marathon or completing a full Ironman Triathlon.

Why?

During an ordinary workday, we have built-in breaks from each other. We go to school, go to meetings, check our email, or run errands around town alone.

During a day on vacation, however, this sprint-and-recover world of breaks flips upside down. We wake up, together. We eat, together. We drive long...

Originally published in Inc. Magazine.

Does this sound familiar?

You've just finished a long day, full of emails, Zoom calls, deadlines, and to-dos. You're now making the shift from work mode to family mode. But, for some reason, you just can't seem to turn it off.

You keep thinking about that meeting, that call you need to make, or all the things you weren't able to get to. You're living in yesterday, tomorrow, and five years from now, finding it impossible to slow down and be here now.

If...

There's an invisible tug-of-war happening in your relationship.

It's not about who does the dishes.

It's not about who tucks in the kids at bedtime.

It's about connection.

And in just about every couple we've encountered, partners unconsciously take on one of two roles.

First there's The Glommer. This is the partner who most craves connection. They just can't get enough quality time and deep conversation. They're always craving more of their partner.

Then there's The Splitter....

You don't see it. You're not aware of it. 

But you own (or are perhaps owned by) a guilt machine.

This guilt machine runs all day, every day, with the sole purpose of destroying your ability to focus on what matters most.

"But what is this invisible machine running our lives?" you say.

It's not our phone, our computer, or our tablet, though it uses these devices to impose its will.

No, the guilt machine runs on the oxygen of emotion. It's that subtle but uncomfortable feeling...

Want to start a massive fight with your partner?

Here's one great place to begin. Give them feedback that is the exact opposite of what they hope to receive.

For instance, let's say they just had a hard day at work and want to vent about their boss who fancies himself as a kind of cubicle-ruling autocrat.

How can you turn this moment into a raging conflict?

Easy, interrupt your partner mid-rant with a laundry list of clever ideas and solutions to their problem.

You might say, "Well, have you...

Everyone's down on dopamine these days.

It's been called "the molecule of more," that titillating neurotransmitter of pleasure that keeps us coming back to our smartphone again and again like a gambling addict pulling the lever of the slot machine.

And it's true. Dopamine is to digital consumption as sugar is to the food we eat.

Have too much of it and, well, you might not feel so great. 

So how can we cure our dopamine crazed minds?

One answer is to wage an all out war against...

The modern world has sold us on the illusion of control.

Time management systems tell us that we can control the passing hours of each day.

Influencers tell us we can control our mind, body, and emotions by taking the right supplements, eating the right foods, and doing the right practices.

Our society at large tells us that we can control our sense of self-worth and happiness by winning big at the game of capitalism.

So it’s no surprise that one of the most frustrating...