We have a theory that has been brewing for some time.

It goes like this: The thing that matters most in determining the quality of your relationship is your mindset. 

The mechanism driving this phenomenon is what psychologists call"social contagion." It's a fancy way of saying that your marriage is like a mirror of your mind.

If you show up with resentment, the mirror that is your partner or your kids will reflect back more resentment. 

If, on the other hand, you...

If you're not careful, date night can start to feel, well, kind of boring. 

Here's why. 

This modern relationship ritual is an attempt to merge the spontaneous experience of love with the overly-scheduled reality of family life.

It's romance meets Google Calendar, intimacy meets email. 

And in this tug-of-war between love and logistics, the perfectly-planned-out and domesticated side of life usually wins.

This is why you might end up doing the same things, going to...

AI is changing the world. But can it change our most intimate relationships? Should it?

As relationship authors and coaches, we set up an experiment to answer this question.

For a few days, Nate decided to use ChatGPT as his personal AI love coach, asking it for guidance on conflicts, communication, and intimacy.

What happened? Here's Nate's account.

Day 1: The Marinade

It all started with a missed Monday morning chicken marinade.

Let me explain. The night before,...

When it comes to money, we all understand the concept of debt. If you spend more than you have, at some point, you’re going to have to pay it back, with interest.

But what about emotions?

What happens when you spend more energy than you have by trying to push your emotions away through busyness and distraction?

The answer: you take on “emotional debt."

We noticed this happening in our marriage a couple months ago. We were both navigating intense situations that gave...

Next week marks the 20th anniversary of our engagement.

And if there's one thing we've learned from two full decades of navigating the holidays as a couple, it's this:

If you stay connected and in sync, you can manage even the most bat-shit-crazy emotional drama that comes your way.

If you don't, the stress of the holidays will land on your life like an atomic bomb.

So today, we want to give you a single practice for staying connected during the holidays.

Take a Grinch Day.

...

Here’s a strange fact about busyness. 

Throughout most of human history, successful, high-status, people bragged about not being busy. That’s right, they flaunted their leisure time by sailing boats, playing polo, joining country clubs, or buying expensive clothes. 

But these days, we’ve flipped this old-school model on its head. To be busy in our current age is to be important, valued, needed, and in-demand.

For instance, the research of Columbia...

Surgeon General Vivek Murthy recently issued an advisory warning that couples with kids now face a mental health crisis.

Why?

We're trying to succeed at everything and burning ourselves out in the process.

In Murthy's words, "compared with just a few decades ago, mothers and fathers spend more time working and more time caring for their children, leaving them less time for rest, leisure and relationships."

Murthy's point is that success used to mean becoming excellent at one...

We have a question for you.

Why do you feel so busy?

At this point, you're probably thinking, "Is that a real question? I'm busy because I'm busy, because there's just so much shit to do."

Good answer. And it's true. We live in a unique period of human history, a time when all of us face an increasingly long list of stuff to do: pet dentist appointments, parent-Uber-ing kids to all manner of extracurricular activities, and thrice-weekly zone-two cardio workouts (thanks...

Have you ever noticed that being in an intimate relationship is a lot like competing in a decathlon?

A winning decathlete can’t just be good at throwing a javelin. She must also excel at the high jump, running the 1600 meters, pole vaulting and a bunch of other seemingly unrelated events.

Likewise, in intimate relationships, you can’t just excel in one relationship role. You can’t just be amazing at sex or a wildly entertaining conversationalist or a superbly...

Over the summer, we did something crazy.

For the first time in over 20 years, we took 10 weeks off from our work, left our home, and traveled to France. We went on Family Sabbatical.

We first came across this idea five years ago during our interviews for The 80/80 Marriage. Several couples told us, "The best decision we ever made was to take our kids on a Family Sabbatical."

We were persuaded.

So we spent a year and a half preparing for the trip. We learned French, a new language for...