KLEMP INSIGHTS
NEWSLETTER

What if we were to tell you that your life is really just an elaborate video game?

The purpose of the game? To win, obviously, and score as many points as you can.

How do you score points? Three ways: money, approval, and achievement. The higher your aggregate score, the faster you move up the leaderboard, the better you feel about your position in the game. 

You might notice though that there’s something peculiar about the scoring system: you only get points for the things you do outsi...

Want to pick an epic fight with your partner?

Just do this. Take your mom’s side rather than their side in an argument.

Or this. Ditch them for a night out with your friends.

Or this. Cancel on them at the last minute so that you can join a Zoom meeting with your boss.

We’re not actually suggesting that you pick this massive fight. That would be crazy. We’re just highlighting an accidental habit that lives in the background of most relationships. 

What’s the habit? 

Prioritizing ot...

 A couple months ago, we wrote a newsletter about using AI in your relationship. We wanted to see what would happen if we asked ChatGPT for advice on navigating our own relationship drama.

But then we learned about a new way AI is showing up in relationships. People aren't just asking AI for advice. They're turning to AI for companionship.

So I (Nate) decided to explore this brave new world to see what happens when you add a third (virtual) person to your relationship.

First stop. I had t...

You can take all sorts of surveys and assessments to better understand the strength of your relationship.

But we want to propose that a single question—what we call "The Brag Test"—can tell you everything you need to know. 

What's the question?

When you're talking to others and your partner isn't around, do you mostly criticize or brag about them?

If you mostly brag about their accomplishments, best qualities, and strengths, you passed. In fact, you get an A+ on The Brag Test. It's a sig...

We have a theory that has been brewing for some time.

It goes like this: The thing that matters most in determining the quality of your relationship is your mindset. 

The mechanism driving this phenomenon is what psychologists call"social contagion." It's a fancy way of saying that your marriage is like a mirror of your mind.

If you show up with resentment, the mirror that is your partner or your kids will reflect back more resentment. 

If, on the other hand, you show up with love, this...

If you're not careful, date night can start to feel, well, kind of boring. 

Here's why. 

This modern relationship ritual is an attempt to merge the spontaneous experience of love with the overly-scheduled reality of family life.

It's romance meets Google Calendar, intimacy meets email. 

And in this tug-of-war between love and logistics, the perfectly-planned-out and domesticated side of life usually wins.

This is why you might end up doing the same things, going to the same restaurants...

AI is changing the world. But can it change our most intimate relationships? Should it?

As relationship authors and coaches, we set up an experiment to answer this question.

For a few days, Nate decided to use ChatGPT as his personal AI love coach, asking it for guidance on conflicts, communication, and intimacy.

What happened? Here's Nate's account.

Day 1: The Marinade

It all started with a missed Monday morning chicken marinade.

Let me explain. The night before, Kaley asked, "C...

When it comes to money, we all understand the concept of debt. If you spend more than you have, at some point, you’re going to have to pay it back, with interest.

But what about emotions?

What happens when you spend more energy than you have by trying to push your emotions away through busyness and distraction?

The answer: you take on “emotional debt."

We noticed this happening in our marriage a couple months ago. We were both navigating intense situations that gave rise to intense emoti...

Next week marks the 20th anniversary of our engagement.

And if there's one thing we've learned from two full decades of navigating the holidays as a couple, it's this:

If you stay connected and in sync, you can manage even the most bat-shit-crazy emotional drama that comes your way.

If you don't, the stress of the holidays will land on your life like an atomic bomb.

So today, we want to give you a single practice for staying connected during the holidays.

Take a Grinch Day.

What's ...

Here’s a strange fact about busyness. 

Throughout most of human history, successful, high-status, people bragged about not being busy. That’s right, they flaunted their leisure time by sailing boats, playing polo, joining country clubs, or buying expensive clothes. 

But these days, we’ve flipped this old-school model on its head. To be busy in our current age is to be important, valued, needed, and in-demand.

For instance, the research of Columbia University professor Silvia Bellezza reve...