4 Lessons From Our 10-Week Family Sabbatical

Over the summer, we did something crazy.

For the first time in over 20 years, we took 10 weeks off from our work, left our home, and traveled to France. We went on Family Sabbatical.

We first came across this idea five years ago during our interviews for The 80/80 Marriage. Several couples told us, "The best decision we ever made was to take our kids on a Family Sabbatical."

We were persuaded.

So we spent a year and a half preparing for the trip. We learned French, a new language for us, with weekly lessons with a local teacher and daily Duolingo sessions. We socialized this counter-cultural idea with clients, editors, friends, and family.

Then, in late May, we headed out for the airport with our 12-year-old daughter, three carry-on suitcases, two backpacks, and one violin.

Our adventures would end up taking us far beyond France -- including a day hike to Spain while in the Pyrenees -- walking over 700 miles, and taking 19 different modes of transportation, including an alpine rollercoaster.

In the end, we concluded that the couples we interviewed were right.

Taking a family sabbatical was one of the best decisions we have ever made.

Here's a far too brief list of what we learned along the way.

Learnings

1. Perspective.

In the midst of everyday life, it's almost impossible to see the many unconscious assumptions, habits, and patterns that create the boundaries of what seems possible.

Family Sabbatical has a way of blowing up these assumptions, creating a radical shift in perspective.

Seeing our old life from miles away, for instance, led us to restructure our time back at home so that we could prioritize having more space and freedom.

It even inspired us to start a new relationship book project (more on that in the coming months).

2. Connection.

All you parents with teens out there know the gut-wrenching feeling of watching your son or daughter pull away. This is, of course, completely age appropriate. But that doesn't make it any less devastating.

Going on Family Sabbatical with our tween daughter temporarily turned this dynamic up-side-down.

Being all alone together in foreign lands brought the three of us together. It gave us 10-weeks of pre-teen, golden years-style, connection because we -- our little family unit -- were the team.

3. Adversity.

One week before we left, we read an article in the Wall Street Journalabout the science of optimizing travel. Among other things, the author recommended seeking out challenging situations to build memories and resilience.

Now, we think this suggestion is both absurd and brilliant.

It's absurd because there's no need to plan for adversity. On a trip like this, adversity happens on its own.

But this advice is also brilliant because adversity does have a way of creating lasting memories and building the muscle of family resilience.

We experienced this while waiting outside a burger joint in the dark alleys of the red light district of Amsterdam, wondering why we chose to -- quite literally -- expose our daughter to a late-night scene filled with pimps and prostitutes.  

We experienced this while it poured rain during the one hour line to get into the Louvre in Paris.

And we experienced this just about every time we used our broken French to order a croissant, coffee, or ask a question. Each time, the person stared at us awkwardly and then replied in English, as if to say, "Your French is so pathetic, it's not even worth responding to you in my native language."

4. Savoring.

Time is precious and, for those of us with kids, the runway for embarking on an adventure like this is limited. By the time our kids reach late high school or college, it's likely gone.

And yet, there's always a good reason to postpone:

• We could save more money

• We'll be more established later in life

• We won't have that one client or conflict.

Where we landed is that, because there's never a "good" time to go, it might as well be now. Doing it sooner, rather than later, is the only way to ensure that it will actually happen.

We realize that, for many families, leaving life behind for such an extended period may be impossible.

But maybe it is possible to create your own Family Sabbatical for four weeks, two weeks, or to do it in your own unique way.

You might find, as we did, that it's the best family decision you will ever make.