KLEMP INSIGHTS
NEWSLETTER

We're shifting our format for this week's 80/80 Newsletter.

We want to start with the exciting news of our recent segment on the TV news show The Los Angeles Times Today. 

The subject?

We talk about the gender gap in marriage and how clarifying roles can help mitigate inequality. To watch, click here.

The 10-Minute Role Clarity Playbook

And now for a practice that relates directly to the subject of roles. It's a practice we recommend all couples do at some point and,...

There are two ways to talk to your partner.  

The first kind of conversation transports you and your partner to new dimensions of connection and love. In these conversations, you reveal the full truth of your experience, your little victories, your hopes and dreams, and even the things that scare you. You open up to each other, and your connection grows.

Then there's the second, more ordinary, way that we talk to each other in relationships. In these conversations, you and your...

Has this ever happened to you?

You and your partner finally carve out time to be alone together. You go on date night or you take a weekend away together or maybe you just take 45 minutes to walk around the neighborhood.

But then, as you enter into this precious time reserved for connection, you stare blankly at each other wondering, “Shouldn't we have more to talk about?"

It’s a marital predicament experienced by couples at all stages, by newlyweds, those who have...

When it comes to money, we all understand the concept of debt. If you spend more than you have, at some point, you’re going to have to pay it back, with interest.

But what about emotions?

What happens when you spend more energy than you have by trying to push your emotions away through busyness and distraction?

The answer: you take on “emotional debt."

We noticed this happening in our marriage a couple months ago. We were both navigating intense situations that gave...

It’s called the “upper limits" problem.

Never heard of it? You've definitely experienced it, likely without even knowing it’s happening.

The idea comes from Gay Hendricks, one of our favorite relationships experts. He has observed that we all have an upper limit when it comes to happiness and connection in relationships.

In his words, “Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to...

We have some reassuring words for you today.

If you've ever had a knock-down-drag-out fight or even just a heated argument on date night, you are not alone.

We certainly have. In fact, we had our most explosive fight ever during what should have been a wonderful date night sitting outside on the patio at a Mediterranean restaurant. 

It's an argument we recount at the beginning of The 80/80 Marriage -- an argument over which one of us would pick up our daughter from daycare.

Of...

Imagine marriage as a two-player game.

Each morning, you wake up and accumulate points by doing all the things you do: going to work, buying groceries, or helping out your kid with that impossible algebra problem. 

The goal? To win the game, together.

But that begs an essential question, a question that most couples never ask: “What's the game that we're trying to win together?"

It's an essential question because, let’s face it, a happy marriage could arise from striving...

Last week, we had a conversation with a recently married younger couple. They told us about the challenge of transitioning from those early days of dating, where everything is fun and fresh, to the early days of marriage, where you end up spending way more time on navigating conflict and life logistics.

In that moment, something clicked. We uncovered an insight that was always there but that we had never seen with such clarity.

We call it The Fun-to-Logistics Ratio.

Here’s how it works....

In last week's newsletter, we explored envy outside of marriage, toward friends or other couples. This week, we want to go one level deeper into the sensitive subject of envy towards your partner.

We experienced this just last week. With our daughter out of school and in camps for the summer, we decided to modify our work schedules.

Nate slowed down a bit so he could take on more of the camp drop offs and pick ups and random life logistics. Kaley, meanwhile, ramped up her travel for work,...

A woman in distress recently sent us a DM on our 80/80 Instagram account. She told us that her husband is withdrawing. He’s less interested in spending time together. He’s contributing less. And their marriage is suffering.

Why?

That’s where things get interesting. He’s withdrawing because she has made a commitment to self improvement. She’s reading new books, listening to new podcasts, and building new habits to improve her life.

You would think her partner...