KLEMP INSIGHTS
NEWSLETTER

There is an invisible urge out there, destroying relationships everywhere.

It often shows up while talking about money, politics, social planning, or parenting.

It surfaces anytime you feel defensive, like your partner has just accused you of even the slightest marital misdeed.

They might question your latest purchase. Did you really need that supplemental butt cushion for the car?

They might question your politics. Are you really voting for that guy again?

Or they might...

Originally published in Inc. Magazine.

Does this sound familiar?

You've just finished a long day, full of emails, Zoom calls, deadlines, and to-dos. You're now making the shift from work mode to family mode. But, for some reason, you just can't seem to turn it off.

You keep thinking about that meeting, that call you need to make, or all the things you weren't able to get to. You're living in yesterday, tomorrow, and five years from now, finding it impossible to slow down and be here now.

If...

There's an invisible tug-of-war happening in your relationship.

It's not about who does the dishes.

It's not about who tucks in the kids at bedtime.

It's about connection.

And in just about every couple we've encountered, partners unconsciously take on one of two roles.

First there's The Glommer. This is the partner who most craves connection. They just can't get enough quality time and deep conversation. They're always craving more of their partner.

Then there's The Splitter....

You don't see it. You're not aware of it. 

But you own (or are perhaps owned by) a guilt machine.

This guilt machine runs all day, every day, with the sole purpose of destroying your ability to focus on what matters most.

"But what is this invisible machine running our lives?" you say.

It's not our phone, our computer, or our tablet, though it uses these devices to impose its will.

No, the guilt machine runs on the oxygen of emotion. It's that subtle but uncomfortable feeling...

Want to start a massive fight with your partner?

Here's one great place to begin. Give them feedback that is the exact opposite of what they hope to receive.

For instance, let's say they just had a hard day at work and want to vent about their boss who fancies himself as a kind of cubicle-ruling autocrat.

How can you turn this moment into a raging conflict?

Easy, interrupt your partner mid-rant with a laundry list of clever ideas and solutions to their problem.

You might say, "Well, have you...

Everyone's down on dopamine these days.

It's been called "the molecule of more," that titillating neurotransmitter of pleasure that keeps us coming back to our smartphone again and again like a gambling addict pulling the lever of the slot machine.

And it's true. Dopamine is to digital consumption as sugar is to the food we eat.

Have too much of it and, well, you might not feel so great. 

So how can we cure our dopamine crazed minds?

One answer is to wage an all out war against...

The modern world has sold us on the illusion of control.

Time management systems tell us that we can control the passing hours of each day.

Influencers tell us we can control our mind, body, and emotions by taking the right supplements, eating the right foods, and doing the right practices.

Our society at large tells us that we can control our sense of self-worth and happiness by winning big at the game of capitalism.

So it’s no surprise that one of the most frustrating...

You've probably heard of the Marie Kondo method of tidying up.

If you haven't, here's the scoop:

• Pick up each of your material possessions
• Ask "Does this bring me joy?"
• If it does, keep it
• If it doesn't, thank it and then get rid of it.

This method is great for decluttering your living space. But we think it's worth pushing the Marie Kondo method one step further, beyond just getting rid of old sports jerseys, vacation tchotchkes from the late 1990s, and dusty books that,...

Happy New Year!

If you’re like us, you’re beginning to think about new intentions, resolutions, and habits for 2024.

So we wanted to use this newsletter as a subtle nudge, a reminder to think not only about your individual habits but also about your habits as a couple for 2024.

Your relationship, after all, rests on a vast system of often unconscious habits. It’s a system perfectly designed to create both the good and bad in your life together.

Bad habits create...

We live in an age of hyper connection. 

We can text our partner at all hours of the day and night. We can track their every move using Google Location Sharing. We can even FaceTime them when we’re thousands of miles away. 

So why is it so hard for modern couples to stay connected?

Researchers at UCLA have an answer. They followed around thirty modern couples, observing them like anthropologists as they ate, got the kids ready for school, and navigated the logistics of...