KLEMP INSIGHTS
NEWSLETTER

There is an invisible urge out there, destroying relationships everywhere.

It often shows up while talking about money, politics, social planning, or parenting.

It surfaces anytime you feel defensive, like your partner has just accused you of even the slightest marital misdeed.

They might question your latest purchase. Did you really need that supplemental butt cushion for the car?

They might question your politics. Are you really voting for that guy again?

Or they might question your de...

There's an invisible tug-of-war happening in your relationship.

It's not about who does the dishes.

It's not about who tucks in the kids at bedtime.

It's about connection.

And in just about every couple we've encountered, partners unconsciously take on one of two roles.

First there's The Glommer. This is the partner who most craves connection. They just can't get enough quality time and deep conversation. They're always craving more of their partner.

Then there's The Splitter. This partner...

Want to start a massive fight with your partner?

Here's one great place to begin. Give them feedback that is the exact opposite of what they hope to receive.

For instance, let's say they just had a hard day at work and want to vent about their boss who fancies himself as a kind of cubicle-ruling autocrat.

How can you turn this moment into a raging conflict?

Easy, interrupt your partner mid-rant with a laundry list of clever ideas and solutions to their problem.

You might say, "Well, have yo...

The modern world has sold us on the illusion of control.

Time management systems tell us that we can control the passing hours of each day.

Influencers tell us we can control our mind, body, and emotions by taking the right supplements, eating the right foods, and doing the right practices.

Our society at large tells us that we can control our sense of self-worth and happiness by winning big at the game of capitalism.

So it’s no surprise that one of the most frustrating features of bei...

Happy New Year!

If you’re like us, you’re beginning to think about new intentions, resolutions, and habits for 2024.

So we wanted to use this newsletter as a subtle nudge, a reminder to think not only about your individual habits but also about your habits as a couple for 2024.

Your relationship, after all, rests on a vast system of often unconscious habits. It’s a system perfectly designed to create both the good and bad in your life together.

Bad habits create conflict, distrust, hurt f...

We live in an age of hyper connection. 

We can text our partner at all hours of the day and night. We can track their every move using Google Location Sharing. We can even FaceTime them when we’re thousands of miles away. 

So why is it so hard for modern couples to stay connected?

Researchers at UCLA have an answer. They followed around thirty modern couples, observing them like anthropologists as they ate, got the kids ready for school, and navigated the logistics of an ordinary day.

The...

Has this ever happened to you? 

You just spent all morning making breakfast, unloading the dishwasher, and packing lunches for the kids. Your partner, meanwhile, just strolled in from a morning workout, seemingly oblivious to all your hard work.

Or you just spent ten hours working your face off so that you and your partner can afford the vacations, the house, and the cost of day care. Your partner, meanwhile, just arrived home from a long walk with a friend and a spacious afternoon where th...

Relationships are complicated.

Circumstances are unique.

Every couple has their own idiosyncratic way of handling money.

These ideas have led us to steer clear of talking about today's topic in past newsletters.

But after years of witnessing couples struggle with money and after the emergence of new research, we felt compelled to talk about this third rail of relationships: the decision to share or split financial accounts.

Our perspective?

Sharing accounts is perhaps the most import...

What we're about to tell you may be hard to hear.

So take a breath.

See if you can get curious.

OK, ready?

Here goes.

One of the biggest barriers to a happier relationship is this: you haven't updated your model of love since high school. 

You remember high school love. It's when desire struck like a lightning bolt of dopamine, when you had endless hours of free time, when you could make the spur-of-the moment decision to cut class to hang out together at the mall without leaving your...

School is in session. All those glorious summer vacations have come to an end. The days are getting shorter.

And most companies and organizations (consciously or unconsciously) view the time from now until Thanksgiving as the last remaining productive days of 2023.

The post-Labor Day fall sprint has begun.

As this sprint begins, we think it's worth remembering one of the most essential principles of managing energy. It's an idea that comes from Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, the idea of osc...