Try Out the Mirror of Marriage Experiment in Your Relationship to Boost Love and Connection

We have a theory that has been brewing for some time.

It goes like this: The thing that matters most in determining the quality of your relationship is your mindset. 

The mechanism driving this phenomenon is what psychologists call"social contagion." It's a fancy way of saying that your marriage is like a mirror of your mind.

If you show up with resentment, the mirror that is your partner or your kids will reflect back more resentment. 

If, on the other hand, you show up with love, this mirror of marriage will reflect back more love.

This may sound like some sort of crazy New Age miracle of manifestation B.S. 

So we encourage you to test out this theory for yourself by running a one-day experiment.

How do you do that?

The Mirror of Marriage Experiment

Try this.

Step 1: Think about the one thing you want to experience more frequently in your relationship.

Maybe it's love.

Maybe it's real conversation.

Maybe it's laughter.

Maybe it's feeling less stressed, more relaxed.

Maybe it's Post-It Notes on your nightstand that say "I love you!"

Step 2: For the rest of today, see if you can fully embody this positive quality in your interactions with your partner.

Be loving.

Ask better, deeper, questions.

Crack a few jokes.

Be relaxed. 

Write that Post-It Note and put it on your partner's nightstand. 

Step 3: Notice what happens next. 

Maybe your partner responds immediately.

Maybe it takes some time. 

The key here is to stay with this positive quality of mind even in the observing -- to watch how your partner responds from a place of love rather than expectation or entitlement.

If it works, great news! You may have figured out the key to shifting the culture of your relationship.

If it doesn't, that's fine too. You just devoted a day to showering your partner with love. Not a bad way to spend the day.

We love to hear from readers like you. Reply to this email and let us know what happens, especially if it doesn't work (we love improving our tools).